


Finding our way back

by Moonprincess92



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Exes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkwardness, Exes, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 07:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14184066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonprincess92/pseuds/Moonprincess92
Summary: Jyn and Cassian dated eight years ago.There’s no dignified way to explain that she’s now hiding under a table to avoid seeing him.





	Finding our way back

**Author's Note:**

> Technically a sequel to [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11721423/chapters/26402658) fic, but I feel like this one is a bit different in style/tone, so I kind of consider it as its own story as well. You don't have to have read that one to read this. :)

 

“Soooooo!” Bodhi’s voice trills, the tablecloth lifting. “This looks cosy.”

“I swear to fucking god, Bodhi–”

“No really! You could seriously move in here,” Bodhi nods around underneath the buffet table that Jyn had promptly thrown herself under not even thirty seconds ago. “Think about it, it’s quite roomy, and you’re in very close proximity to snacks. It’s the perfect set up, really.”

“Is that champagne?” Jyn asks impatiently, gesturing at the glass in Bodhi’s hand. He nods and with a quick, “Thank God,” she takes it and drains the entire thing in one go.

“Ok,” Bodhi snorts as she slams the glass back down, joining her own empty glass from before. “Joking over. Now’s the time you explain why the ever loving fuck you’re hiding under a table.”

“You know, I thought about that,” Jyn says, feeling the champagne rushing to her head. “and I figured I’m not going to say anything. I’ll just stay under here forever, it’ll be grand.”

“Seriously. What the fuck, Jyn?” 

She sighs, before giving up on the lounging position and instead slumping back onto the beautifully tiled floor of the Grand Hotel ballroom. She is probably ruining her dress that Shara and Kes paid an arm and a leg for, but it’s their fault any of this was even happening! Beyond the tablecloth hiding them from view, the DJ is still belting out music, enthusiastic wedding-goers partying the night away in celebration of the happy couple. It had honestly been a perfect day so far. The ceremony was beautiful, Bodhi cried, and Han Solo did a hilarious job being the MC for the night. Both Kes and Shara shared a kind of wide-eyed look all day, like they couldn’t quite believe it was all happening, but she peers between a crack in the tablecloth and notices them now with their arms wrapped around each other. They are so happy.

She’d been that happy, once.

“FINE,” she says exasperatedly, Bodhi moving to lie down beside her under the table. “You remember Cassian, right?”

“As in… your old boyfriend from uni?” Bodhi asks in bewilderment. “Um, yes?”

“Did you not notice that he’s HERE tonight?”

“WHAT?” Bodhi rolls over immediately, yanking up the tablecloth.

“Put it down, oh my god!” Jyn practically throws herself on top of him in her haste to hide them from view. After a bit of struggling, they eventually settle on a compromise, which is staring through the slight crack instead after Jyn points out the particular table.

He’s still there, right where she first saw him. To say it was a shock was a fucking understatement. She literally hasn’t seen Cassian Andor since they graduated, about eight years ago now. To be honest, she hadn’t recognised him at first. His beard was longer, built sturdier now than his 20 year old self had been, but roughly three seconds later it’d hit her and that was about when Shara had stared around in confusion as Jyn promptly sprinted away as fast as her heels could carry her before diving under the buffet table.

On the plus side, she’s pretty sure he didn’t see her.

“I can’t believe he’s here!” Bodhi says in amazement. “What the HELL is he doing here? He wasn’t at the ceremony, right?”

“Trust me, I would have noticed if he was,” Jyn says, leaning her arms against Bodhi’s shoulders as he holds the tablecloth aside for them. “No, Shara just told me that I should come meet someone from Kes’ family and that’s when I realised it was him!  _Holy shit_ , Bodhi, what do I do?”

Her life is a sham!

They met as 20-year-olds. She always got the good table at the library and he would join her until eventually, he got brave enough to ask her out. They dated for a year, and she supposes there was always something young and idealistic about it. She had fallen hard. Both of them had really, their first date ending with them sleeping together and their second happening not even two days later. They were nervous and excited and Jyn used to look at him like he was her whole world. They spent their days studying together at the library just so they could spend entire weekends snuggling in bed. He would wrap his arms around her waist while she attempted to cook, kissing her bare shoulders and making her laugh. They went on a trip to London once during one of the semester breaks, seeing the sights and holding hands in every photo. She would pin him to her bed, fingers threading through his as she slowly bent down to kiss his neck. They fell ridiculously in love a little more every damn day …

Until, of course, the day he left.

“Alright! Ok, we can handle this!” Bodhi insists, dropping the tablecloth and lying back down. She joins him, their heads close together as they talk. “Think back, you didn’t exactly end on good terms, right?”

“It was kind of a fight? I don’t know, it was weird,” Jyn admits. The night isn’t a nice one to remember. “It wasn’t like your usual screaming match, it was more of a passive-aggressive ‘why aren’t you saying what we probably both want you to say’ kind of thing. I went with him to the airport, we said goodbye, but it was tense and weird and there were a few half-hearted phone calls after that, but I think the last time I heard from him was honestly around seven or eight years ago. I had no idea he was even back in the country! Seriously, what do I do?”

Always battle ready, Bodhi’s been bailing her out since they were teens and Jyn honestly doesn’t know what she would do without him. However, it seems that in this scenario, Bodhi has officially been stumped.

“The hell if I know.”

“BODHI.”

“Hey, I don’t know what to tell you!” Bodhi says indignantly. “I don’t know how you’re feeling! Just wing it, hope for the best? Find out how long he’s in the country for and just go from there, mate.” 

“You sure I can’t just avoid him the entire night?” 

Bodhi just gives her a look. Fine, she knew it was ridiculous to suggest, but she had to at least try. 

In the end, Bodhi’s plan is as good as she’s going to get. She sends Bodhi out first so that no one is a witness to Jyn crawling out from under the table. He helps her up and she brushes off the bridesmaid dress that she’s almost regretting that Shara ever asked her wear. In the end, however, Jyn’s glad that she saw him first, because nothing it seems would have prepared him for being suddenly face to face with her again when she tentatively approaches. 

“Jyn!” he says in equal parts alarm and amazement, practically leaping out of his chair. “I – holy shit – what are you–?”

“– doing here?” Her chest clenches, hand tight around her third champagne glass of the night as she fights to keep her voice light. “I could ask you the same.” 

“Kes is my cousin, he invited me to his wedding but my flight got delayed,” Cassian explains. “You?”

“I work with Shara. Um … bridesmaid,” she adds, kind of unnecessarily, but she feels the need to explain the fancy dress.

For a long moment, the two of them just stand there. It’s awkward and heavy, but she knocks back half the champagne and offers the rest to him, since it looks like he could certainly use it. He almost sighs, accepting it and she smiles a little. 

“This is unbelievable,” he says. “What’s it been … eight years, or something?”

“I think so,” Jyn nods. “So you’re not … you’re still living in Mexico?”

They stare at each other with a look that says a lot, but also says nothing at the same time. Jyn wants to know everything … but at the same time, maybe it’s better not to ask. A lot can happen in eight years. For all she knows, he’s bloody married with kids with a beautiful beach house and goes fishing on the weekends. Slowly, Cassian nods.

“I actually worked in the US for a few years,” he tells her. “Translating, mostly, I did a lot of work in the tourism industry. But I’m back in Mexico for now …”

The  _you?_ is unasked, but she answers anyway.

“I got into journalism, finally,” she says. “Shara and I started around the same time, that’s how we became friends. Seriously, Kes is your cousin?”

“He moved here to the UK about five years ago, yeah.”

“Jesus, that’s about when him and Shara met,” Jyn would rub her eyes if she weren’t afraid of smudging the expensive make-up. “Talk about small world …”

“Right?” He fidgets slightly with the empty champagne glass. Then, he moves to put it down on the nearest table and quickly says, “Look, Jyn, I had no idea you would be here tonight, I didn’t mean to …” 

“Oh shit, no!” Jyn insists. “I didn’t know you’d be here either, it’s not your fault–”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call as much as I could have–”

“Hell, we both have our own lives, it’s fine–”

“Because I didn’t mean–”

“I didn’t either–”

“You look great–”

“You do too–” She pauses at that, the two of them trying not to meet each other’s eye.

She pretends that the words don’t hit her as hard as they do. It’s been years, she’s nearly 30 years old, goddamn it. Being around him shouldn’t make her feel like this at all. She’s been in relationships since, she even managed to last two years with someone at one point. She is older, she’s probably a bit more cynical (but then again, she’s always been a little cynical) and she knows now that their relationship back then wouldn’t have ever ended well. So caught up in the love and happiness, they rather forgot to communicate anything. They’d vaguely talked about him staying in England after graduation once or twice and that had apparently been enough for her to assume that he would. 

But eventually the day came. His visa was expiring and he hadn’t known what she wanted, whether she wanted him to stay, so he had applied for jobs back home. The day she had realised he was leaving was when it had all gone south. They mutually agreed that they would break up to keep things easier, but it was a rough conversation to have two weeks before he was due to leave. The weeks then leading up to him leaving were honestly some of the worst of her life. They were both angry and upset, stuck with things they wanted to say but didn’t know how. 

(She didn’t kiss him at the airport. She wasn’t sure that she would stop if she did).

They left a lot unspoken. A lot of hurt feelings and a lot of missing the other without wanting to admit it, that was all they’d been left with. Jyn barely even knew where to go from here.

Thankfully, that’s about when Bodhi apparently decides to take pity on her. “HOLY SHIT, CASSIAN!” he yells from behind her and comes hurtling out of nowhere. Cassian at least laughs as Bodhi hugs the man tightly. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE HERE, WHAT’S GOING ON?”

“I – I came for the wedding!” Cassian says, clapping his hand against Bodhi’s back. “I had no idea you guys would be here – it’s great to see you–”

“I haven’t heard from you in years, bastard!” Bodhi jokes, pulling back now and standing at Jyn’s side. “The only reason I even know you’re alive is because we’re still friends on Facebook.”

“I’m sorry, truly,” Cassian admits, staring at the ground. “I’ve been busy … anyway. Do you guys want another drink?”

“ _Yes, please_ ,” Jyn says, probably a bit too eager. 

* * *

 

“I’m sorry, you DATED him?” Shara says in amazement.

“For a year, yeah,” Jyn admits. “We met at uni, we were in love and everything, so you fucking owe me, bitch.”

“I can’t believe this!” She honestly doesn’t think she’s seen Shara this shocked, ever. “So it was serious, then? Why’d you break up? OH MY GOD–”

“Why are we ‘oh my god’ –ing?” Kes turns up.

Shara immediately slams a hand into her new husband’s chest. “Turns out Jyn dated your cousin!”

“ _What?_ ” Kes grins. “You’re not serious?”

“Dead serious, I had to hide under a table when I saw him!”

Rather than be sympathetic, Kes just bursts out laughing. Jyn has to suppose that to be fair, it is all a little bizarre. “I knew he lived in England for a few years while he went to uni, but that’s insane.” 

She’s cornered the bride, and now subsequently the groom, in a corner of the hotel ballroom over near the bathrooms. Shara was demanding an explanation for why Jyn was acting so weird, so Jyn pulled the woman, dress and all, over here. Cassian is still out there somewhere, probably being distracted by Bodhi. All the old uni friends are going to have a bloody field day with this. Luckily, she met Shara after graduation, but Han and Leia she knows are going to have an aneurysm. 

(“ _Just promise me that no matter what happens, you at least kiss this guy before the night ends. Deal?_ ” Leia once told her, back before they ever even really knew each other. 

“ _Deal_ ,” Jyn answered). 

“So go on, tell me the details!” Shara says.

“No, YOU guys tell me the details!” Jyn insists, jabbing a finger at the happy couple. “How long is he in the country for?”

“I think a week?” Kes shrugs. “He was supposed to get here in time for the ceremony, but–”

“– the flight was delayed, yeah, he said,” Jyn sighs.

“You spoke to him?”

“I needed to get the initial awkward ‘how’s it going?’ conversation over with,” Jyn says exasperatedly. “He’s going good apparently, for the record.”

“I’m so sorry, girl,” Shara moves away from her husband, trying not to grin too much as she squeezes her arm. “Look, in all seriousness … are you ok?”

Jyn takes a deep breath.

“I’m ok.”

It’s clear that they don’t have many more details, so she lets Kes and Shara get back to their wedding then. She stands against the wall next to the bathrooms and watches the festivities, content to just hide and drink more champagne for now. Really, she can’t blame them for this. The fact that she and Cassian are even at this point is all their faults. To be honest, she still has Cassian’s number in her phone. The name might be saved as ‘DON’T DO IT, JYN’ at this point, but it’s still there, always ready to taunt her on the nights she lies alone in bed. There have been more nights than she cares to admit where she’s wanted to cave and call him again. 

It doesn’t happen often. It’s the ‘what if’ that gets to her, the sheer amount of missing him that she’d done during the first year or so after graduating. But despite being sporadic, the urge to call was made up for in longevity.  It never quite went away. She would be fine for years, and then suddenly she would be watching a movie featuring love montages set to indie music and be asking Bodhi to hide her phone once more. The worst time, the time she really almost caved, was about two and a half years ago now.

She was with Scott at that point. Scott Melshi, who was as cynical as her and for some reason loved her anyway. It had been good for the two years they were together, but it had been slowly fizzling out near the end, and it was one of those nights when she looked at him in bed and realised what it was they were missing. They didn’t have a spark. The fire, the passion, it had been there when they first met, but now she struggled to even kiss him. She berated herself, beat herself up over it. Why did this always happen to her? No one she met had that spark, no one ever had, except for …

She suddenly rolled herself out of bed, snatching up her phone as she went. Her hands shook as she strode through her flat, leaning against the kitchen table. She shoved her bed hair out of her eyes as she looked up the contact.

 _Cassian Andor_ , it still read.

Her finger hovered over the green call button.

But it had been so long. Years since they last heard from each other. He could have a different number by now, he could be with someone else, he could be literally anywhere in the world … and hearing Scott’s voice call out to her from her bedroom had broken the resolve. She changed the contact name before hastily going back to bed.

She broke up with Scott two days later and hadn’t dated since.

She leans her head back against the wall with a sigh. 

* * *

 

Two days after the wedding, she finds herself at a Dameron family dinner and somehow inexplicitly ending up sitting next to Cassian.

“Shara and I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for coming to the wedding,” Kes says, wine held in the air. “It was an amazing day and it wouldn’t have happened without you guys.”

“You could have just sent us all a thank you note like normal people do!” Han calls out down the table.

It’s the close friends and family here tonight at Kes and Shara’s home in West London. Tomorrow she knows that they’re jetting off to Spain, so unless she does something about it, this is most likely the last time she’s bound to run into Cassian again before he also goes.

Somewhere along the lines the last couple days, she’s figured out that all she probably needs is just a little bit of closure. Honestly, that’s it! They ended on such uncertain and hurt terms that they probably needed to just sit down and set the record straight. Get it all out, maybe apologise for the messes they made back then … yes, then it would be fine. She could get on with her life, and he could get on with his, assuming it’s been a rough eight years for him as well as her. They’ve made awkward small talk all evening and it’s only now as they’re all happily chatting and scraping at dessert she finally gets the courage to speak up properly.

“So …” she says around her ice cream. “You’re staying in London, right?”

“Yes,” Cassian answers. “It hasn’t changed much since the last time I was here, but I still love it.”

“It’s not exactly Portsmouth, is it?”

He smiles a little. “I miss the beach, honestly.”

“You mean the freezing beach that might as well be in the bloody artic?” Jyn says.

“I liked living near the ocean,” Cassian argues. “London’s nice, but the Thames doesn’t exactly have the same feel.”

“I’m pretty sure if you swam in the Thames you’d come out radioactive.”

He practically chokes on his ice cream as he snorts with laughter. Han helpfully slams his back from Cassian’s other side as Jyn tries to calm herself down for what she’s about to say next. When he’s thanking Han hastily and able to breathe properly once more, Jyn bites the bullet and does it.

“I was thinking,” she says quickly. “Since you’re in town – I dunno, I’m sorry if this would be too weird – but I thought maybe we could go get a drink sometime? Just – just to catch up, you know, for old time’s sake …”

She can die, now.

Cassian’s looking at her she knows, but she keeps her eyes on her bowl. She’s regretting everything until he says,

“Um – yeah,” He nods. “I … I’d like that.”

“Well, great.”

“Great.”

“I still have your number, right?”

“Hang on, let me check it’s the right one–” She offers her phone about a split second before realising he’s about to try and find his name and she’s still got him saved as ‘DON’T DO IT, JYN’. She suddenly snatches it back, claiming something vaguely about checking it first, before hastily changing the contact. He looks at her in bemusement throughout all this, but at least confirms it’s still the right number. She catches Bodhi staring at her from across the table and she mouths, “ _What?_ ” at him.

“ _Did you just ask him out?_ ” he hisses back.

Jyn sticks her fingers up at him and mouths, “SHUT UP.”

They agree that she’ll get in contact tomorrow and true to her word, she does. She’s moved a lot of times since uni, to the point where her bedroom furniture can’t quite retain the feel of Portsmouth anymore, but she lies in bed that morning and as she’s texting him, she feels every bit as nervous as she had that day after their first date. Not wanting to call too quickly, but also desperate to see him again …

 _Hey, it’s Jyn_ , she texts.  _Meet up at eight tonight? Let me know where you’re staying and I can meet you there._

 A few minutes later, and he’s texting her the address to the hostel he’s in.  _Sounds good_ , he adds.  _I’ll see you then_.

Short and efficient. Technically, she doesn’t need to say anything else, but her fingers hover around the keys anyway. 

* * *

 

“What the hell does one wear to something like this?” she ends up asking in despair a few hours later.

“Depends what kind of statement you intend to make,” Bodhi points out from where he’s sitting cross-legged on her bed. “Are we going for ‘look at me, I’m SOOO over you’ or are you planning on a more ‘please take me back, I’m dying without you’ vibe?”

Jyn has to think for a moment.

“Maybe somewhere in between?”

Bodhi snorts. “Well, in that case, you might want to ditch the granny knickers.”

“How do you even know I’m wearing granny knickers?” she yells from her wardrobe.

“Jyn, I’ve known you since you were twelve!” Bodhi calls back. “Trust me, you’re either wearing granny knickers, or that one sexy pair you’ve been relying on since first-year uni.”

“I have more than one sexy pair now, I’ll have you know,” Jyn sticks her head back out so that she can throw a spare coat hanger at him.

“Good! Crack either one out for tonight.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too,” Bodhi grins. “Look, basically, you want to be confident. Wear something he’s never seen before. But depending on what level of desperate you’re going for here, include something else as well that’s nostalgic. Maybe that leather jacket you’ve had for the last ten years or so?”

“I’m sorry,  _level of desperate?_ ”

“Well, what IS your plan here, then?” Bodhi asks. “Because honestly, I really can’t tell.”

Jyn sighs, moving back out to lean against the wardrobe door. “Truth is I don’t know what my plan is either,” she says eventually. “I think … I just want to get over this. We broke up without talking, without explaining and overall, everything sucked. I think it would be good for us both to just clear the air.”

“Right,” Bodhi says slowly. “and you’re not at all concerned with the fact that he goes back to Mexico in a few days?”

“ _Bodhi_.”

“Fine, ok,” he holds up his hands. “Let’s see that new dress then, the one you wore to Leia’s birthday …” 

* * *

 

In the end, they decide on a black dress, because apparently Jyn isn’t as comfortable in any other colour. They meet just as planned, Cassian already waiting out on the front steps of his hostel, looking almost ridiculously good. Not that he’d ever been unattractive as a 20-year-old, but he’d clearly grown into his bulk over the years and Jesus Christ, did it suit him. She’s driven up short for a moment, but then he sees her and she forces herself forward once more.

He greets her with a quick and casual cheek kiss and hug, like one might do for extended family members and friends of your parents. Still, his hostel is right in the city centre, and somewhat familiar with the area, Jyn is comfortable leading him down the street. They walk side by side, arms in pockets and talking mostly of the things around them, London and England in general. He says he’s missed the country. She says she wishes she could travel more. There’s an underlying current of something, though … for some reason, they’ve always had a natural click. From the moment they first spoke to each other, it was there, and it’s at least comforting to know that it’s still there now. No matter how strained things were, they got each other. And that was something.

She takes him to a bar that she knows of, near the river. It’s not quite the  _Millennium Falcon_  from their uni days (nothing ever is) but it’s upbeat, light and breezy, and she could certainly use some light and breezy.

“So the question I think we’re both dying to ask, but neither wants to be the first,” Jyn eventually forces herself to say. “Are – are you seeing anyone right now?”

Their table is thankfully near the window, proving a pretty good distraction whenever one of them needed it. She hastily gulps a mouthful of beer as he laughs awkwardly. “Not right now, no,” he admits. “I did … few years ago now, but nothing’s ever really worked out so far. You?”

“Same, to be honest.”

He nods before drinking his own beer. Slowly, Jyn glances up at him. “Look, I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry things ended so badly.”

“Hey, it was a long time ago–” Cassian tries to reason, but she shakes her head. 

“No, no, let me say this,” she says determinedly. “I need you to know … I loved you a lot. Despite how it ended, I loved you an insane amount and you meant the world to me. I’m sorry I stopped calling, I’m sorry I just let it die out–”

“I stopped calling too,” Cassian points out. “It’s not just your fault.”

“We were young and stupid,” she nods. “We should have just talked to each other instead of gotten mad.”

“Do you regret breaking up?”

Jyn’s heart clenches painfully.

“I just …” she says. “I regret how we handled it. We deserved to treat each other better after being together that long, and I’m sorry.”

“Jyn, you meant the world to me, too. And for what it’s worth… I’m also sorry.”

She drains her drink before pressing at her eyes hastily. “Ohhh, blimey,” She blinks. “Look at me! I’m totally fine, I swear.”

“Yeah, of course,” he nods and they both change the subject quickly. 

* * *

 

“So are you still friends with Kay?” Jyn asks as they walk back.

“Kay! I love Kay, yes,” Cassian is thankfully happy to talk about his uni best friend. “We catch up occasionally when we can, although we haven’t actually seen each other in person for a good few years.”

“He’s never mentioned me?”

“No, though I can’t imagine why,” Cassian shoots her a look.

Considering Jyn once put Kay Tu’s phone through the wash on purpose, she isn’t surprised. They quite famously didn’t like each other back then and she laughs. She’s grateful that things between her and Cassian are at least a lot more comfortable now than earlier on in the night. Once the hard stuff got out of the way, they fell into a comfortable rythmn that thankfully didn’t feel forced or weird. They chat as they walk, laughing as they trade stories about what they’d been up to the last few years. Who knew, maybe they could even stay friends after this?

“You haven’t been back to the UK since uni, right?” she asks.

“The closest I’ve gotten was when I travelled Europe for three months, about five years ago now,” Cassian says. “Kay met up with me in Paris and we went together for most of it.”

“That must’ve been amazing.”

“Are we even still friends on Facebook?” Cassian asks good-naturedly. “I’ll have to show you the photos.” 

Truth was, Jyn had unfriended him a long time ago in hopes that she wouldn’t be tempted to get in contact. She let Bodhi be her only link to him. You know, just to make sure that he wasn’t getting married to a rich heiress on a tropical island somewhere, that kind of thing. 

“I’m not sure, but definitely I need to see them!” Jyn insists. “Hang on, remind me, where’s your hostel again?”

“Uh …” Cassian glances around at the buildings that currently surround them. “About that …”

“You have no idea.”

“I was following you, to be honest.”

Jyn sighs. A quick Google tells them that they’ve walked nearly forty minutes out of the way. They’re closer to her flat than anything else, and that’s about when Jyn goes a little nuts and takes a wild stab in the dark.

“Hey, did you want to just come back to my place?”  _Fuck, why did you say it like that?_ She panics a little at the look on his face, so she hastily adds, “We can just hang out a bit more, it’s not too late – I’ll make you some tea and you can show me your photos?”

Thank the lord, he agrees. Quite honestly, she expects some kind of weird flashback, but they eventually walk into her flat together and it still feels relaxed. Calm. Maybe slightly tense, because they’re exes, it kind of came with the territory, but they sit on her sofa together and he goes through the travelling folder on his Facebook profile. She laughs at how stilted Kay looks in every selfie and looks at the pictures of the Leaning Tower of Pisa with utter jealousy. “Honestly, it wasn’t that special,” he says at one point, possibly to try and make her feel better. “There’s literally nothing in Pisa but tourists and overpriced pasta.”

“Still. You’ve been to so many places!” 

“You’ll just have to come visit Mexico sometime,” Cassian says. 

They talk for a long time. Every now and then he mentions that he should probably head back since the hostel would be closing for the night, but all it results in is another hour of more conversation. Jyn doesn’t know what’s going to happen after this or even what should happen.  _He’s leaving soon, going away again_ , she keeps reminding herself, although it doesn’t do much good. Finally, he’s actually putting his coat back on, unable to talk himself into talking more. “If I don’t go now, I’ll get locked out,” he insists, as Jyn leads him back to the front door. “But honestly, this has been good. I’m … I’m glad I got to see you, Jyn.”

They pause, facing each other in her small hallway. 

“I’m glad, too,” she says. “Are you sure I can’t walk you out?”

“I’m sure, I’ll be fine,” Cassian insists. “Text me soon, and we’ll see each other again, ok? I’m still in the city for the next three days, I’m sure we can find something to do.”

“I know Bodhi would love to hang out,” Jyn says.

“Sounds great,” Cassian looks like he’s about to hug her goodbye, and she braces herself for it. However, his eyes slide to somewhere over her shoulder and he suddenly freezes. “Oh my god,” he almost laughs. “You kept it?”

Jyn snaps her head over her shoulder to see what he means. The cabinet is the only piece of furniture in the hallway apart from the shoe rack, and Jyn basically just uses it as a dumping ground for mail, umbrellas, keys and other miscellaneous items that she might need going in or out. The cabinet also features a large ceramic bust of Adele. It’s admittedly one of the stranger items she owns (“Where the hell did you even find it?” she asked Han when she opened it on her birthday) but it’s apparently designed to hold sunglasses and hats. Adele currently features two pairs of aviators … and a slightly battered plastic Stetson.

“Oh …  _shit_ ,” she says.

“I almost forgot about that!” Cassian moves over to Adele, immediately picking up the cheap hat. They were handing them out during a rodeo-themed night at the  _Millennium Falcon_  during their first date, and the hat had almost become a symbol for their relationship over the year they were together. Jyn was the one left with the hat and after Cassian left, she hadn’t quite known what to do with it. She hadn’t been able to face tossing it, so it ended up just becoming a bit of a decoration, always adorning her flat somewhere, wherever she may be living. She never wore or it picked up it … it just stayed.

“I almost forgot I still had it, until now,” Jyn says hastily as Cassian puts it on happily. “Hey, maybe you should take it back to Mexico with you, we can have shared custody?”

“But you’ve taken such good care of it,” Cassian smiles.  

 _Shit_. Seeing him standing in front of her, wearing the bloody stupid hat and smiling at her like that … something shoots through her that she isn’t prepared for. She laughs weakly and reaches up to take the hat off him. “Right, fine then,” she says, hoping her voice isn’t shaking. “I’ll treasure it always. Do you still remember the type of hat it’s called?”

“A fedora?” Cassian pretends to be unsure. “I don’t know, my English is still pretty bad …” 

Jyn whacks his shoulder, putting the Stetson back on Adele’s head. Before she can work herself up over it, she moves over and wraps her arms around Cassian. “I’ll text you,” she says, softly. “It’s been great seeing you, really.”

He hugs her back.

“It’s been great seeing you too.” 

* * *

 

She calls Bodhi about five seconds after he leaves.

“WE HAVE A PROBLEM,” she cries.

“ _What the hell–? Jyn?_ ”

“I’m serious! BIIIIG problem!”

“ _What’s going on?_ ”

“Yeah, turns out I’m a ridiculous sap who’s still in love with him,” Jyn stares at the hat hard. Quite honestly, she’s not entirely sure she ever fell out of love. She’s not sure of a lot at this point. Maybe she did, or hell maybe on the opposite end she never quite fell all the way in the first place and only now has she finally been tipped over that edge (she’s always kept one foot out the door, after all, never fully commits, always thinking of contingency plans). But she’s looking at the damn hat now and thinking of a beach down in Portsmouth and she knows for certain that she’d never felt like that before in her life and that she never will again. She knew from the moment they met in the university library that Cassian was it, only she’s been too scared to say so until now.

Maybe she’s still scared.

_But maybe she isn’t._

“ _Jyn? JYN?_ ” Bodhi’s still calling down his end of the phone.

Jyn grits her teeth.

“Sorry, Bodhi, I’ve got to go.”

“ _WAIT, YOU CAN’T JUST –_   _DON’T YOU DARE HANG UP_ –”

He’ll forgive her. She practically throws the phone onto the cabinet and picks up her keys. She’s never run faster in her life than the minute it takes her to go tearing out of her building and out into the street. She practically tumbles down the front steps, just catching him as he clearly waits for a Lyft driver.

“CASSIAN,” she yells.

He startles. Jyn doesn’t quite run, but she sure as hell hurries. She stops about a foot in front of him and he stares.

“Are you ok?” he asks.

Jyn really did intend on keeping it together.  _Honest_. But something inside her breaks, and before she can control it, it all just comes pouring out.

“I’m sorry,” she says, desperately. “I know I should have said this eight years ago, but please don’t leave.”

He stares.

“I know, I can’t believe I’m doing this now, either,” She says, eyes stinging. “but that’s what it came down to, right? Neither of us wanted you to go, but neither of us fucking said anything. Instead we got angry and we hurt each other, we didn’t talk about the future or what we could do to fix it, so we just gave up, broke up. But I’m trying to fix it now, goddamn it, and I’m asking you  _please_  – don’t – don’t go.”

She’s actually crying now, but fuck it. She’s gone this far, she can go a little further.

“I don’t know how this will work, honestly I don’t know if it can,” she admits, swiping at her cheek. “but shit, I want to at least try. I’ll come visit you in Mexico, you can visit me here, I don’t know, whatever it takes – all I know is that I still love you and I want to be with you. I know,  _I know_  I should have said all this a back then and not now, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being so scared, but–”

She’s cut off by him suddenly swooping in and kissing her.

His hands cups the back of her head and she lets out a sound somewhere between a squeak and a sigh. She holds him by the front of his jacket and it feels like a warm fire, like coming home. If it means that he won’t leave, then she’s more than willing to never let go. She’ll hold him for as long as it takes. His lips are melded to hers, exactly how she remembers, and eventually he pulls back so that his forehead is pressed against hers.

“It’s not just your fault,” he breathes. “I didn’t say anything, either. All I wanted was for you to ask me to stay when I could have just told you, but–”  

“I’ll ask again, I’ll do it,” Jyn insists once more.  

“No, you don’t need to, I should tell you–” he cuts in, taking a shuddering breath. “God, Jyn, I don’t want to leave. I want to stay, I’ve always wanted to stay.”

She laughs, lifting a hand to wipe away tears once more. “Blimey, we are both utterly useless.”

“Oh, yes.”

“But what about your family, your life back home–?”

Cassian shakes his head. “We’ll talk properly later – shit, let me cancel the Lyft –” His hands are shaking and he fumbles slightly since he’s half trying to drag her back to her building at the same time. She’s impatient, giddy, until finally the cancellation goes through and before she can blink he’s kissing her again, long and deep and she’s soaring. It only lasts a second however, because then they’re running.

They can’t get back to her flat fast enough. 

* * *

 

He ends up checking out of his hostel a few days early.

When it becomes clear that he’s not leaving, she’s the one who tells him to just check out already. After spending basically an entire day in her bed, it’s clear that he’s not going anywhere else anytime soon, after all. Very aware of the dwindling time that they have left, she’d much rather they spend it together than the alternative.

Bodhi calls her what feels like every five minutes until finally she turns her phone off. She knows that Kes and Shara would be heading to Spain soon, but hell, she’ll see them again at some point, they know that she wishes them well. Bodhi, on the other hand, she knows won’t let up until he gets answers so she doesn’t turn her phone back on until literally the day before Cassian’s due to leave. She only meant to check that her mother hadn’t needed her at some point, but naturally sighs upon seeing dozen or so missed calls. She reluctantly untangles herself from Cassian’s arms and leaves him sleeping, scooping up some clothes to wear while she’s at it. By the time she drops down onto the sofa, she’s already bracing herself for the tirade.

Sure enough, Bodhi answers with, “ _OH, SO NOW SHE DECIDES TO CALL BACK_.”

“Hey, look, I’m sorry–”

“ _OH, SORRY SHE SAYS_ ,” Bodhi cries, dramatically. “ _She just left me hanging for days on end, it’s totally fine! I don’t care about what’s going on at all, I’m sooooo over it_ –”

“For god’s sake, I’M SORRY,” Jyn stresses. “Do you want to know what’s happened or not?”

Bodhi huffs and grumbles, but at the end of the day, her best friend will always want to know what’s happening. She does her best to somehow explain her life since Kes and Shara’s wedding, and quite honestly, it seems that Bodhi is rendered speechless.

“… _wow_ ,” is all he manages to get out.

“Is that a good wow, or bad wow?”

“ _Oh my god, Jyn, I don’t even know_ ,” Bodhi admits. “ _Is he still there with_   _you?_ ”

“He’s going home tomorrow, but … yeah.”

“ _Are you happy?_ ” 

Jyn grips her phone tightly, tries to smoother her smile with the other hand and fails miserably. “Yes.”

“ _Welp, that’s good enough for me!_ ” Bodhi insists. “ _I can’t believe it, this is so exciting! So what are you guys gonna do from here?_ ”

“We talked,” she says. “I know, I know – what, holy shit, Jyn and Cassian actually spoke to each other about their feelings – but we did, we talked a lot and … he’s going to hopefully move here.”  

Bodhi whoops down his head. “ _YUUUS! When’s he coming?_ ”

“It’s a bit up in the air, he’s got to apply for another work visa and look for a job still,” Jyn admits. “but if it all works out … soon. Hopefully, it will be real soon.”

“ _I’m so happy, Jyn, holy shit_ ,” Bodhi tells her earnestly. “ _So he was willing to move here, just like that?_ ”

“Apparently he’s always wanted to come back to England someday. His family is the only thing he’ll miss, but they can always visit each other. I felt bad at first, like I should be offering to go to Mexico or something, but you should have heard him Bodhi, he’s so excited to know he’s coming back–”

“Talking about me?”

She glances up at Cassian’s voice and sees him trudging out of her bedroom, hair askew and shirtless, still rubbing his eyes. He bends down and kisses her head, before gesturing at the sofa. She shuffles to make room and he sits down next to her, pulling her legs up to rest over his lap. “Yeah, talking about you,” she teases. “Sorry, I’m just talking to Bodhi–”

“ _HI CASSIAN_ ,” Bodhi practically shouts, loud enough that Cassian certainly hears it. He chuckles and calls hello back.

“Honestly, call him yourself if you’re so desperate to talk to him,” Jyn acuses.

“ _Shut up_ ,” She can hear the grin in Bodhi’s voice. “ _look, I’ll let you get back. For the record, are you guys officially back together? Because I’ve got everyone else hounding me as well and they’re gonna want to know_ –”

Jyn glances up at Cassian, who’s simply waiting patiently, hands absently drawing patterns along her legs. She decides to throw caution to the wind.

“Yeah. You can tell people we’re back together.”

Cassian looks up at that. “Oh, are we?” he asks in amusement.

She sticks out her tongue. “I’m going now, Bodhi. Do not disturb for at least another 48 hours, understand?”

“ _Understand! Love you, Jyn!_ ”

“Yeah, yeah,” she mutters, hanging up. She turns to Cassian then and adds, “Sorry I didn’t really confirm that before saying it, I kind of just assumed, but–”

“It’s fine,” Cassian squeezes her legs. “I assumed, too. And you’re not wrong,” he adds with a smile. “I am excited to move back here.”

“Are you sure?” Jyn has to ask. “Like REALLY sure? Because I know it’s been a long time, and I know that we’re both different people now, we’ve grown and changed and–”

“Hey,” he cuts in. “yes, we’re different. We’re not so young anymore, we’ve gone out, seen and done things without each other … but at the end of the day, I’m still Cassian. And you’re still Jyn. It’s going to be ok. Ok?”

She leans over to drop her phone down onto the coffee table. Then, she snuggles closer, moving so that she’s properly in his lap, wrapping her arms around him.

“Ok,” she says. 

* * *

 

And it is. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've literally had this fic saved on my computer for months, but never had the time to get it out, polish it off and post it. Finally, I am! I really hope yall like it, please let me know what you think!!! 
> 
> xoxo


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